Taking Pictures in the Bathroom

Yesterday I walked into the girl's bathroom in the basement of my favorite drinking hole on the West Side, and there was a group of about 10 ten girls in the there, posing and taking photos of themselves in front of the stalls. They kept talking about how "hot" the bathroom was. It's not. It's so filthy they don't put lights in over the toilets so you don't have to witness the squalor you're dangling yourself over. Then one girl said "This (bathroom?) is so meta." Also not. If the bathroom were inside of another, bigger bathroom made of discarded Reynolds Wrap, maybe.

What was the point of this? Is this some kind of Internet phenomenon? Large groups of girls taking pouty pictures of themselves in the bathrooms of dive bars?

PS: Saw Liza at the Palace last night! What a survivor.
PPS: New Year's Eve status update--plans slightly firmer. Like, the consistency of a flan.

Looking Toward the New Year

Got any big, awesome plans for New Year's? I don't. Should I wander around lower Manhattan trying to find a decent hole for a bourbon and a relative stranger to kiss at midnight? Should I go to my friend's friend's boyfriend's party in Queens? Should I gather my little ragtag band together to watch New Year's Rockin' Eve on my couch and make mean-spirited cracks about Fergie's appearance? You tell me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas you people! Have a great day! Don't drink too much or say things that are racist.

Oh Come On!

Inappropriate, South Miami Hollister store location! Could you slap some board shorts on your ultra-chiseled man stand? For me? It's Christmas. I felt inclined to shield my young cousin's eyes from this yuletide spectacle after a family outing to see film-of-the-year Four Christmases last night. What a world.

PS: I'm changing the name of this blog to "Fun With Feigned Moral Outrage."

Animals That Are Sluts

Did you know that a girl dog can have a single litter of puppies with a bunch of different fathers? My brother and sister-in-law just got a puppy that's a mix of American bulldog and something else, and I saw some of the other puppies from the same litter last night, and something funky was definitely going on in the genetics department. I swear one of them looked like his dad was a cat. What a hobag.

You ok?

Are we all alright after high school? Did we all make it? These are the kinds of things I worry about.

Future Family Members Of Note

Lizzi and Ryan were here this weekend, which was, of course, the funnest. Ryan went to Duane Reade this morning for us and came back with all the stuff he'd bought in a Hefty Cinch-Sak. It didn't strike him as strange at all--he said "I guess they ran out of bags" and walked into the other room to fold up a pool cue. Here's Lizzi in her Yogi Bear/Louis Vuitton pj's ("It's Yogi...and Louis Vuitton!") with the bag:



Weird. Then again we are talking about this guy:

Stuff From My Job

These Israeli pretzels can be found at the newsstand at my work. I don't even like pretzels, but these Long Thick Sesame Sticks are otherworldly delights. Poor translation from the Hebrew, though, I think. I'm guessing the original descriptor sounded a lot less porny. Also, whoever's missing their Moses and the Ten Commandments bobblehead, I found it on my desk.

Things I Spend Time Getting Worked Up About

This ad from the New York Lotto is absolutely horrible. Here are several reasons why:

1) What newsstand guy wants lottery tickets for Christmas? If he wanted a lottery ticket, he'd turn around and take one off the wall of his newsstand, where he sells lottery tickets. No need to buy "Shop 'Til You Drop" from him only to turn around and give it right back. Trite, treacly, ultimately pointless. Fail.

2) That lady is the human embodiment of a black licorice gumdrop.

3) This is obviously a Christmas commercial, but NYL won't say "Merry Christmas." I'm not a thumping War-on-Christmas lunatic, but no one actually says "Happy Holidays" unless they're trying to sound like a jerk.

4) Like Phil Collins, who I also can't stand, this ad is everywhere.

If, miraculously, you haven't seen this ad, watch anything on Hulu. Or take a cab.

PS: NEW LOOK!

Modern Plights

Can we talk about how annoying bathroom attendants are? I never bring my wallet with me to the bathroom because I don't plan on paying for anything. Then the whole time I'm in there I'm dreading the imminent awkward moment after I wash my hands when I take the towel handed to me and say "thank you"--mostly to the floor--then leave as quickly as I can without taking a mint or spraying on aerosol deodorant like I want to because I know those things are for the people who give the attendant a dollar and not for cheap selfish assholes like myself.

Also, as a bathroom attendant, you must know that your job is the most pointless one on earth outside of MC Hammer's entourage.